people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
