There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you inspire me to be a worse person
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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