Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
