Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
