Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
