he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
