who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
