So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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