Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
