so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
