my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
