They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
