I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
