There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
