So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.