Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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