my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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