omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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