Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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