As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
