Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
