i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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