Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
