yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
