My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
4 words: hood of his car
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woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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