Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
