I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Is Oprah even human
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
