I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
