So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
