I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
