Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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