I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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