I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
