I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
