I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
