So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
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Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
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she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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