he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
