you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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