Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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