Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
