no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Girls should come with a carfax report
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize