Jerry, you need to find god
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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