Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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