you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
