So drunk its hurt
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
