Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
