You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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