i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
