Do you still have your period?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
