who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
