remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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