I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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