We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So much Jack, so little girl.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
