Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
