it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
