TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
