i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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