I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
