i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
