some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
