Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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