i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
