how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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