Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
