He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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