Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
