The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
