Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize