Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
