I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
