my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
