Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
