im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
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I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
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Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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