Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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